This was the scene of ten years ago. The following days were as simple
as a cup of pure water. We had a kid, I went into business and tried to
make more money. When the assets were steadily increasing, the
affections between us seemed to ebb. She was a civil servant. Every
morning we left home together and got home almost at the same time. Our
kid was studying in a boarding school. Our marriage life seemed to be
enviably happy. But the calm life was more likely to be affected by
unpredictable changes.
Dew came into my life.
It was a
sunny day. I stood on a spacious balcony. Dew hugged me from behind. My
heart once again was immersed in her stream of love. This was the
apartment I bought for her. Dew said, "You are the kind of man who best
draws girl's eyeballs." Her words suddenly reminded me of my wife. When
we just married, my wife said "Men like you, once successful, will be
very attractive to girls." Thinking of this, I became somewhat hesitant.
I knew I had betrayed my wife. But I couldn't help doing so.
I
moved Dew's hands aside and said, "You go to select some furniture,
O.K.? I've got something to do in the company." Obviously she was
unhappy, because I had promised her to go and see with her. At the
moment, the idea of divorce became clearer in my mind although it used
to be something impossible to me. However, I found it rather difficult
to tell my wife about it. No matter how mildly I mentioned it to her,
she would be deeply hurt. Honestly, she was a good wife. Every evening
she was busy preparing dinner. I was sitting in front of the TV. The
dinner was ready soon. Then we watched TV together or, I was lounging
before the computer, visualizing Dew's body. This was the means of my
entertainment.
One day I said to her in a slight joking way.
"Suppose we divorce, what will you do?" She stared at me for a few
seconds without a word. Apparently she believed that divorce was
something too far away from her. I couldn't imagine how she would react
once she got to know I was serious.
When my wife went to my
office, Dew had just stepped out. Almost all the staff looked at my wife
with a sympathetic eye and tried to hide something while talking with
her. She seemed to have got some hint. She gently smiled at my
subordinates. But I read some hurt in her eyes.
Once again, Dew
said to me. "He Ning, divorce her, O.K.?" Then we live together. I
nodded. I knew I could not hesitate any more.
When my wife
served the last dish, I held her hand. "I've got something to tell you".
She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.
Suddenly I didn't know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know
what I was thinking. I want to divorce. I raised the serious topic
calmly. She didn't seem to be much annoyed by my words, instead she
asked me softly, "Why?" I'm serious. I avoided her question. This
so-called answer turned her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and
shouted at me. "You are not a man!" At that night, we didn't talk to
each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had
happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory
answer, because my heart had gone to Dew.
With a deep sense of
guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our
house, our car, and 30% stake of my company. She glanced at it and then
tore it into pieces. I felt a pain in my heart. The woman who had been
living ten years with me would become a stranger one day. But I could
not take back what I had said. Finally she cried loudly in front of me,
which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind
of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks
seemed to be firmer and clearer.
A late night, I came back home
after entertaining my clients. I saw her writing something at the
table. I fell asleep fast. When I woke up, I found she was still there. I
turned over and was asleep again. She brought up her divorce
conditions. She didn't want anything from me, but I was supposed to give
her one month's time before divorce, and in the month's time we must
live as normal life as possible. Her reason was simple. Our son would
finish his summer vacation a month later and she didn't want him to see
our marriage broken. She passed me the agreement she drafted, and then
asked me, "He Ning, do you still remember how I entered our bridal room
on the wedding day?" This question suddenly brought back all those
wonderful memories to me. I nodded and said, "I remember." "You carried
me in your arms." She continued, "So, I have a requirement, that is, you
carry me out in your arms on the day when we divorce. From now to the
end of this month, you must carry me out from the bedroom to the door
every morning." I accepted with a smile. I knew she missed those sweet
days and wished to end her marriage with a romantic form.
I
told Dew about my wife's divorce conditions. She laughed loudly and
thought it was absurd. "No matter what tricks she does, she has to face
the result of divorce." She said scornfully. Her words more or less made
me feel uncomfortable.
My wife and I hadn't had any body
contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. We even
treated each other as a stranger. So when I carried her out for the
first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is
holding mummy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From
the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten
meters with her in my arms.
She closed her eyes and said
softly. "Let us start from today, don't tell our son." I nodded, feeling
somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for
bus, I drove to office.
On the second day, both of us acted
much more easily. She leaned on my chest. We were so close that I could
smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realised that I hadn't looked at
this intimate woman carefully for a long time. I found she was not young
any more. There were some fine wrinkles on her face.
On the third day, she whispered to me, "The outside garden is being demolished. Be careful when you pass there."
On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I seemed to feel that we were
still an intimate couple and I was holding my sweetheart in my arms. The
visualisation of Dew became vaguer.
On the fifth and sixth
day, she kept reminding me something, such as, where she put the ironed
shirts, I should be careful while cooking, etc. I nodded. The sense of
intimacy was even stronger. I didn't tell Dew about this. I felt it was
easier to carry her. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.
I said to her, "It seems not difficult to carry you now." She was
picking her dresses. I was waiting to carry her out. She tried quite a
few but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, "All my dresses
have grown fatter." I smiled. But I suddenly realised that it was
because she was thinner that I could carry her more easily, not because I
was stronger. I knew she had buried all the bitterness in her heart.
Again, I felt a sense of pain. Subconsciously I reached out a hand to
touch her head. Our son came in at the moment. "Dad, it's time to carry
mum out." He said. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had
been an essential part of his life. She gestured our son to come closer
and hugged him tightly.
I turned my face because I was afraid I would
change my mind at the last minute. I held her in my arms, walking from
the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand
surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly, as if
we came back to our wedding day. But her much lighter weight made me
sad.
On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly
move a step. Our son had gone to school. She said, "Actually I hope you
will hold me in your arms until we are old." I held her tightly and
said, "Both you and I didn't notice that our life was lack of such
intimacy."
I jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the
door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my decision. I walked
upstairs. Dew opened the door. I said to her, "Sorry, Dew, I won't
divorce. I'm serious." She looked at me, astonished. Then she touched my
forehead, "You got no fever." I moved her hand off my head. "Sorry,
Dew. I can only say sorry to you.
I won't divorce. My marriage
life was boring probably because she and I didn't value the details of
life, not because we didn't love each other any more. Now I understand
that since I carried her into the home, she gave birth to our child, I
am supposed to hold her until I am old. So I have to say sorry to you."
Dew seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then
slammed the door and burst into cry. I walked downstairs and drove to
the office.
When I passed the floral shop on the way, I ordered
a bouquet for my wife which was her favourite. The salesgirl asked me
to write the greeting words on the card. I smiled and wrote. "I'll carry
you out every morning until we are old."
One rainy Sunday afternoon, a little boy
was bored and his father was sleepy. The father decided to create an activity
that keeps the kid busy. So he found in the morning news paper a large map of
the world. He took scissors and cut it into good irregular shapes like a jigsaw
puzzle and said to his son to put those puzzle together and not to disturb him
until he finishes the task. He turned over on the couch, thinking this would
occupy the boy at least an hour. To his amazement, the boy was tapping his
shoulder ten minutes later telling him that the job was done. The father saw
that every piece of the map had been fitted together perfectly. “How did you do
that?” he asked. “It was easy, Dad. There was a picture of a man on the other
side. When i got him together right, the world was right.”
